happy nineteenth year living in hell

i realized being in kid you look forward to your birthday every year, but you don’t realize it just brings out your fake friends to tell you happy birthday. think about it, “happy birth date” you’ve been living for x amount of years and now everyone is going to do things for you, because hey you’re still alive. 

but it’s just another stupid holiday that really shouldn’t be glorified, maybe i’m saying that because i’m bitter. i wanted to go to sleep tonight next to the only person i want to and wake up next time him and send the day together, but yet he doesn’t want me. so being alone is just making this harder than it should be.

if we didn’t live in a society where birthdays are for those people to come around and spend time with you and say “happy birthday” i wouldn’t be sad right now. and all i’m waiting for is for you to say happy birthday to me and see if you still care 



Oh my god I fear I can’t be saved

These idle hands have slowly dug my grave

Every day is the same

Feels like I’m disintegrating

Back into the dust from which I came

So I got in my car and I drove and I drove

All night til’ I couldn’t stay awake

Went through Louisiana

As far as I went

Would never be quite from enough away

And I never wanna feel like I’m dying

Cause the time that you waste won’t come back

SO I took the park of me that I hated

And I tried to leave it in the past.

 You wake up, nothing, again

Old and broken, and tired

Go to sleep all alone

Wake up all alone

If I said that I cared I’d be lying.

You wake up, you’re nothing, tired, struggling

I just wanna try to be a better man before I fall

Trouble always finds me even when I’m hidden way down in the dirt

They say that we came from dust, into dust we will all return

Waiting for all of my demons to come take me home.